Human beings, at their core, thrive on social interaction. When you think back to the prehistoric era and analyze human behavior through a socialistic lens, you’ll find our survival is based solely in our ability to group up and defend ourselves and others; we have always had strength in numbers. While we may not be fighting off bears with spears or picking berries in the forest for consumption anymore, social interaction and the ability to maintain relationships still play a vital role in our day to day lives.
Our relationships are built over time and must be built upon a solid foundation of trust. This is where things get tricky, as we all want different things in life. Some people desire wealth and fame, while others desire a simple life surrounded by loved ones.
When you look at the premise of what a relationship actually is, it’s really nothing more than a contract. You desire one thing, the other person desires another, and you both agree to try to make it mutually beneficial. This is should be the goal of any relationship. The problem is, things don’t always work out the way we’d like. Often times, we find ourselves at odds with the ones we love. How do you handle those situations? Most people argue. And while arguing isn’t necessarily the most productive way to resolve a conflict, it is still indicative of one crucial thing—effort.
It’s when people stop arguing, when they sit silent and allow things to cascade around them wherever they may land, when they give up that effort, that the relationship may be unsalvageable. So, how do we prevent this point of no return from occurring? Simple, we communicate. Don’t pay false respect or indulge in half-witted attempts at appeasement. MEAN the words that you say. Take action on them.
It is also important to note that, while some people can talk until they’re blue in the face, saying something you don’t mean, or saying something out of anger, will only further complicate the situation. It’s hard to stay calm when you feel passionate about something, but it is important to keep your emotions in control if you want a peaceful resolution to a conflict. Patience is absolutely key, and if you cannot be patient enough to talk about something with someone, find a mediator—someone who can step in and ease the situation as a third-party.
It also helps to know yourself, your own limits, in order to be able to communicate effectively. If you are someone who has had a lot of marital history, it may be difficult for you to talk about it with someone else. Understanding who you are as a person, and what you really want in life, can go a long way when it comes time to share your life with others.
While this all may sound easy enough, in theory, the reality is much more difficult to grasp. Most men would have no issue discussing the latest in football trends. I’ve met men who can argue for hours on the proper techniques of firearm use with other people. Communication is more than just talking about easy things. True communication begins when you share something with someone that makes you uncomfortable to talk about.
Medical conditions, childhood, financial backgrounds, the desire to have children, travel, life goals, sex, and intimacy—these are all things that require an intricate understanding of how to communicate with someone to be able to navigate through them properly.
While you may scratch the surface of a subject initially, you don’t work through these obstacles without continued, combined effort. This is why it is absolutely important to express genuine understanding and patience with your partner when they choose to open up to you about a subject. This is consistent with any relationship. If your child tells you she rode her bicycle into someone’s parked car, and you absolutely blow your top off screaming and yelling at her, how do you expect her to feel comfortable enough to come to you when she’s older to ask about birth control?
Or how sex works? Or any of the difficult conversations a parent has with their child? Talking, and communicating, are two different things, the difference between the two is if the conversation promotes an action, or if it’s just lip service. Talk about the hard things, when the time is right, of course. Understand that you may not reach a resolution right away, and accept that it is okay to take breaks from subjects until people feel comfortable to talk about them again. Life is hard enough as it is for a lot of us. Fighting with the people you care about can only make it harder.
