Co-parenting is not easy. After a breakup or a divorce, there’s a lot of emotional turmoil that often interferes with parenting. However, it’s important to remember that co-parenting is all about what’s best for your children.
To help parents co-parent after a split, here are some tips:
1. Set hurt aside
You will feel hurt, angry, sad – you name it. However, you can’t let these emotions dictate your actions. Find a safe space to “unload” these feelings, like talking with a therapist or going for a run. Try to stay focused on your kids and their future, rather than the hurt caused during the separation.
2. Never use your kids as a messenger
Two co-parents should never use their children as a go-between to communicate. If you need to speak with the other parent, do so. Don’t ask your kids to deliver a message for you. The goal is to keep your kids out of any kind of conflict, not drag them into it.
3. Ask questions rather than make demands
To co-parent effectively, you have to learn how to communicate. If your relationship failed, it’s probably safe to say that communication isn’t a strong suit. One of the best communication tips for co-parents is to pose questions to each other, rather than make demands.
Instead of saying, “I’m taking the kids on Saturday,” you can say, “My parents are visiting this weekend, would it be okay if the kids are with me on Saturday?”
The question has a gentler tone that gives both parties a say.
4. Keep each other informed
To offer consistency as parents, it’s important to keep each other informed. If your child is having trouble at school, acting out, or pushing the limits on a particular rule, it’s best if both parents know about it and make a plan to address it together.
